Where is home?

Just watched this video after someone’s recommendation and somehow it made me sad. (watch the video at the end)

I wrote something a similar couple of months back.

” ساتھ بیٹھے اک لڑکے نے جو شايد قائد اعظم یونیورسٹی کا طالبعلم تھا، پوچھا کہ یار آپ کہاں سے آۓ ہو تو میں نے کہا کراچی۔
اک دم عبداللہ غازی کی آواز آیٔ،
چل جھوٹے۔
میں نے کہا، شاہ جی، میری پڑھائی وہیں کی ہے تو کہنے لگے وہ تو تُونے پٹارو اور ملائشیا میں بھی کی ہے۔
میں نے کہا، بادشاھو، میری نوکری بھی وہیں کی ہے، تو کہا وہ تو تُو لاہور، دبئی اور اب اسلام آباد میں بھی کر رہا ہے۔
اس بار میں نے تھوڑی ناراضگی سے کہا، میرے ماں باپ تو وہیں ہے، تو مسکرا کر کہنے لگے،
تو نے اُن کے پاس وقت ہی کتنا گزارا ہے۔
میرے پنجابی خون نے ہار کہاں ماننی تھی، لہذا آخری حربہ کے طور پر میں نے کہا،
میں پیدا تو وہیں ہوا ہوں نا۔
تو اس بار انہوں نے قہقہ مارا اور کہا،
جمنے سے کوئی اپنا نہیں ہوتا۔

” یہ کہہ کر اُن کی آواز خاموش ہوگئی لیکن میں یہ سوچتا رہ گیا کہ میں ہوں کہاں کا؟

English translation: 

” This guy who was sitting next to me on the top of the peak asked me from where I am? I replied, Karachi.
Suddenly, I heard a voice of Abdullah Shah Gazi (Saint), ” Shut up you liar ”
I responded, Shah Ji, I have studied there to which he said that I studied in Petaro and Malaysia too.
I said again, that I worked there to which he pointed out my work in Lahore, Dubai, and now Islamabad.
This time, a bit furiously, but my parents are there. to which he smiled and said, ” but how much time you have spent with them”.
I just couldn’t take it and as the last push I pointed that it is my birthplace, then suddenly he started laughing hysterically and said: ” Being born at some place doesn’t make it your own ” and then he went quiet but I kept thinking that where do I belong? ”

 

Now, in the same context, I don’t know where my home is and if I ever going to have a place which I can call home. I don’t even have a family home with history or a place where I can go back to relive my childhood. Even my grandparents’ house is not there anymore where we used to spend our summer holidays.

Sometimes, I do want a physical place of my own, a place I can decorate my self, where I can choose a furniture of my own, where I get to decide the wall paint and the color of the curtains. Where I can have a small room with my desk and walls covered with LFC flags. Where I can buy things without thinking about what’s the point since I am only here for a certain time. And most importantly which I don’t have to leave because my lease is expiring or I am just moving away.

But then the other Ammar in me, the one who is Bearded Bedouin, doesn’t want any physical belonging. Who doesn’t want any extra luggage in the life and who is always living in a city or a place with a temporary mindset that one day we need to be out of here. Who doesn’t want to go through the hassle of buying things and then selling them off just because he is moving out of the city. The one who wants to just put some clothes in a bag and drive. The one who doesn’t fit in and doesn’t want to fit in to please others. The one who is fighting with the voices in his head and wants to achieve or at least try all the things he has been thinking about.

The one who is afraid of being alone yet can’t stand a crowd.

But I do wonder ” Where is home?”

As Pico Iyer said, ” where you come from now is much less important than where you are going ”

 

 

Comments

  1. The dilemma as well as perks of being a traveller..You always have a temporary but many a times you want to go back to a place you can call your home..Beautifully expressed..

    1. Ammar

      That’s true and sometimes this is what gives us a real peace. Thank you.

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